You stop off at your favorite coffee place in the morning before work, while waiting to place your order, in comes this beautiful woman, you lock eyes for what was only 3-8 seconds, and what felt like forever becomes love at first sight. You spend the rest of the day thinking about her and what to say the next time you see her. You find yourself fantasizing about you and her having this amazing relationship and life together. Every day you make sure to stop off at the coffee place in hopes of seeing her again, and this time saying something. Days pass and she finally comes in for coffee, she walks by only giving you a quick glance, and you unable to think and frozen watch as your dream girl walks out without uttering a word. Mad at yourself that you couldn’t pull the trigger, you fall back into your daydreams, and tell yourself next time will be different. But in truth, next time won’t be different; you thought about it way too much, having put her on this pedestal without knowing a thing about her, and have completely psyched yourself out.
While eye contact is a powerful tool humans use to gauge and create attraction, it doesn’t tell you a thing about that person. Men in this instance seem to fall harder than women, creating this grand fictitious love in their heads. She in all likely hood is attracted to you, but there are so many other reasons she held her gaze for so long. For one, you might look like someone she knows, or she was thinking about something else and subconsciously looking at you without realizing she’s doing it. A confident woman will look right at you if you’re looking at her and not think twice about it. At the end of the day your best shot was when she first looked at you, you didn’t react and she moved on, which you also should do. She’s not sitting there day dreaming about a life with you or the next time she sees you, and neither should you.
Twice in my life, I have found myself obsessing over someone I knew little about, and it was torture. There was this beautiful Russian girl at my gym, whom I had seen regularly for over a year and never thought more than she’s hot. One day I’m resting by a machine and she’s 20 feet from me at another. Subconsciously I turned to my right just as she was doing the same to her left, our eyes locked for what felt like an eternity, and I was struck by the love bug. For the next few weeks, I found myself obsessing about her, finding out all the information I can without just talking to her. A month later, she moved on, finding herself a boyfriend. Instead of just approaching at that moment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and ended up obsessing.
What I realized from my situation is that I wasn’t really in love with this girl, I was lusting for her. You can’t love someone you know little or nothing about. I built this personality in my head and put her face on it. I was in love with the idea of who she might be, not her. I also realized that you should react to that first connection, and don’t hesitate. For all I knew, she already had a boyfriend or she didn’t realize she was looking at me. By reacting right away, you forgo the daydreaming and obsession that builds up. If you talk to her and she’s receptive great, if not well at least you don’t have to think about it anymore. I know what I’m saying to do is not easy, but at the end of the day would you rather obsess about a person or move forward? I think moving forward is better.