All your life you’ve considered yourself an independent woman, the alpha of the female species. In Your younger years, you were all about the hustle and bustle of life, driven to be the best and move upward in the world. you went out into the world open to all its dating possibilities. Physical attraction is what drove your wants in your younger years, and personality was a perk. But as you got older, and after what feels like a lifetime in the dating scene, you built a type, and you find yourself now attracted to a combination of physical trait and personality traits. The only problem is, you always seem to find yourself attracted to what feels like the right guy, and you devote so much time and effort only to be disappointed because they aren’t everything you were expecting.
There are five general types of guys you can meet out in the world; you have your alpha’s who are confident, don’t seek approval, and have no fear of failure. Their presence shows dominance through body language, not afraid to look anyone right in the eye, and their leaders. They aim to be top dog, tend to sometimes lack sympathy for others. And yes, they carry a lot of ego.
There is the Beta who lacks assertiveness, is a follower at heart because they don’t seek power, a prototypical nice person that makes for a good friend. They really don’t understand the dating game and because of their insecurities, they can be weak, whiny, goofy and at times seem obsessed. They seek approval from others by putting themselves second, they avoid conflict, and they tend to repress feelings. They try to come off as alpha’s, but people see right through it.
Omegas are the wildcards, and probably the most confusing to understand. They tend to carry some alpha tendencies, but for the most part are opposites. They are confident but don’t care to be leaders or be lead. They are intelligent and have a sense of charisma about them, but unlike the alpha male, they are completely their own person. They do not need anyone and can be emotionally distant. They trust few people and don’t allow themselves to get caught up in many intimate relationships. With Omega’s, think the guy that seems like he’s got some mystery behind him.
Gamma’s are the invisible guys. there is nothing really spectacular about them. Neither beta or alpha, their personality and presence blends in with the rest of the room and they’re just sort of there. People seem to like them just fine and they usually don’t have too much trouble with girls, but all the same, there is nothing particularly memorable or remarkable about gammas. Not a born leader nor an inherent follower, they blend with the crowd and live life in the middle of the road never to be noticed.
Sigma males are the ones you watch out for. They are manipulative masterminds; possessing a cunning, intuitive mind that they use to sway people to their will. They don’t have the casual swagger of the alpha or the omega but they do have a clever presence about them and people tend to be both wary and respectful of that. They can often be even more powerful than the alpha or the omega male in social situations due to their ability to persuade and manipulate. They are neither a follower or a leader but rather a wild card, always looking out for themselves and their interests. Basically, this is the guy you hook up with at a bar or give your number to and wonder what the hell was I thinking the next day.
First and foremost, it’s rare to find a guy in this day an age that is completely one type. We are all complicated creatures, and through circumstances in our lives, we evolve to carry traits from all types. With that said, we are who we are, and one type will always shine more than the others until you get to know the guy personally. But also, be careful, because some guys have taught themselves to act a certain way as well to get the girl (think pick-up artists).
So back to the topic at hand, why is it as an independent woman that has her ducks in order and knows what she wants, still end up with the wrong guy? Several reasons behind that; first, you have been independent for so long, are very strong minded, and know exactly what you want that anything less is not an option. You have built a specific man in your mind over the years that you lost sight of the fact you can’t get everything you want, you need to make some accommodations. Pick the traits most important to you and live by those.
Secondly, stop trying to change the man you fall for, just like you, he is who he is. You can help him make improvements, but he’s got to be willing to do so on his own as well. Pushing him to be a certain way when he really doesn’t want to will only drive a wedge between you both. Date with an open mind, sometimes what you think you want isn’t what you truly want.
Too many times I have seen an independent woman trying to date only alpha males, and with both having strong leadership mentalities and controlling characteristics, eventually, they stop accommodating each other and start vying for power in the relationship. Or one becomes more insecure in who they are because of their partners stronger inner alpha which takes control of the relationship and makes them second guess the person they are becoming, and with all that the relationship eventually falls apart.
Lastly, you have to be willing to take a step back and control that alpha female within you. Sometimes a man likes to feel like the man in a relationship, and you have to try and understand when that is. Sometimes you’ll end up with a guy who’s more a beta, and you’ll need to understand he’s not good at relationships and you’ll have to take control at times and hold his hand in the process.
Love is strange and works in crazy ways, sometimes we end up with the last person we would ever have expected. As an alpha female, you’re used to pressing forward until you get what you want. But love doesn’t work that way, hard work and perseverance won’t get you there. The only thing you can do is break down the walls you have built and allow yourself to meet all types of guys, understand the type of guy you’re dealing with and if you like him, make the necessary changes and accommodations to allow the relationship to flourish. Remember, it’s better to lose some of your pride to the one you love than to lose the one you love for your pride.